The following information is excerpted from the Divorce Action Plan in the Appendix of Divorce Strategy. There are only 5 steps for each divorce phase shown here. The Divorce Action Plan in the book lists many more things to do and not to do.
Two of the most difficult things for you to do when you’re involved in a divorce is to concentrate on small details and to keep on track with your game plan. The Step-by-Step Divorce Action Plan is designed to keep you focused and organized. Refer to it during the different phases of your divorce. If possible, view your financial divorce as the separation of a business partnership.
Before Filing for Divorce
This is the time when you and your spouse are discussing the possibility of divorce. You may be in marriage counseling or individual therapy to save your marriage. It’s also the time to start your financial planning for a possible divorce.
Divorce Filed and Pending
Once you or your spouse have made the decision to go ahead, certain events occur whether you want them to or not. It is an extremely stressful phase. Do things in small chunks. Avoid trying to do everything at once. Manage your time so that you have a set relaxation period every day. Pay more attention to your needs and to those of your children.
After the Divorce
Your legal divorce is over. Now the wrap-up of your financial and emotional divorce begins. Keep meticulous records of your financial separation. Plan for your future. If you have residual feelings of anger or bitterness, get counseling to work through your feelings. If not, you will always be held back by your past. Strive to keep your emotional divorce separated from your financial divorce. Don’t confuse child custody and relationship issues with money issues. See the Divorce Recovery Journal for some great tips for help you through the healing process after divorce and to help you get on with life.
A Child’s Advice for Divorcing Parents
Jill Greenstein is a psychologist who works at the Putnam Valley Elementary School located about 50 miles northwest of New York City. Her work with the students at the school has involved a group called Banana Splits.
Mrs. Greenstein says, “Banana Splits groups are for children who are experiencing a loss of family cohesiveness through separation or divorce. Last year (1996-97), many children got together in these groups to work with me on understanding their family situations, sharing their feelings and experiences and giving and getting advice. These groups help children handle the feelings often associated with divorce and separation.
After meeting for the year, these children came up with ‘advice for parents’. Although presented as advice for parents undergoing separation and/or divorce, this advice is appropriate for all of us!”
Advice for Parents
Mrs. Greenstein also advocates the following Bill of Rights.
Bill Of Rights Fof Children Whose Parents Are Separated/Divorced
Advice for Parents and the Bill of Rights were reprinted with permission from Jill Greenstein.